Recently, my husband and I watched the movie Date Night, which stars Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. It is about a married couple who finally decide to have a date night in New York City rather than their typical local restaurant. Quickly, drama ensues. After watching this movie, I was worried that one day my husband and I will be (or perhaps are) that couple who is too tired to do much of anything and falls into a boring routine. Rather than keep this to myself, I thought I would talk to Jon.
Ladies, I don’t know if you experience this when talking to a spouse, father, brother, or male friend, but I often get frustrated with how difficult it is for men to share beyond one or two sentences. We, on the other hand, have no problem sharing and gabbing for hours! Anyhow, I had no idea if my husband would be into conversing about whether or not we are or could be that boring couple. But I did remember an old tool I learned about years ago when talking to men, and I thought I would share it with you. Count to 10. You know, one, one-thousand, two, one-thousand…..
Let me go back to a day when I was videotaped during a negotiation skills class. One of the keys to success when negotiating is to listen. So there I was “listening” to the other side of the argument. Or so I thought. Later, I saw the video of this encounter and was surprised and embarrassed at how I could not shut up. I even told the instructor, “I was listening. I told myself to wait before speaking!” Apparently, I did not. If our conversations with men would be videotaped, I am sure we would notice something quite similar.
So back to my conversation with Jon and whether or not we are a boring couple. I said, “Honey, what did you think of the movie? It really hit home in some ways. Do you think we might be turning into a boring couple?” Magically, I remembered the “count to ten” rule and I waited. Eight, one thousand….. And Jon responds.
It turned out to be a great conversation. I learned much more than expected, including some things Jon would like to see us doing more often. Some thoughts were to have friends over during the week, host big parties with lots of friends, or have mini dinner parties with a few friends.
You may think the information above is not a big deal. Maybe it is. Maybe it’s not. The point is that he shared, and it was more than one sentence. He even seemed excited about some of the new ideas, so we started putting them into action.
So remember ladies – save the gabbing for the girls. If you want to get to know the men around you, just count to ten, and see the paragraphs of information he will share with you. I’ve heard great success in using this with bosses, too!
I would love to hear your experience when trying this out. Please share.